Worst Words To Say At Work

We recently came across an article by Linnda Durre (her parents spelled her name wrong, not me) titled: The Worst Words to Say at Work. The list is made up of phrases that Durre claims "will make you sound noncommittal, undependable and untrustworthy." The list includes hits such as "I guess…" and "I dunno" and my personal favorite, "Whatever…".

And maybe these aren’t the best words to use at work but she’s kidding herself if she thinks they’re the worst…

3PRIME’s REAL Worst Words to Say at Work

"Jew Bastard!"
Mood: Slighted, cheated
This just plain isn’t nice. First of all its racist and secondly it implies that all Jews are greedy and/or cheap, which probably isn’t true. Instead of calling your boss this the next time he denies you a raise you could try actually becoming an asset to the company.

"Damn you Excel!"
Mood: Flabbergasted
This is my favorite, because let’s be honest – Microsoft Excel is a piece of shit to you. And if it isn’t then you’re the equivalent of the Borg and can no longer exhibit human emotion, so you don’t count.

Mood: Surly
A variant of douchebag. You say this under your breath whenever your boss or that certain employee walks past. Yeah, you know the one.

Mood: Entitled Anger
Hey, if it was good enough for Nixon then it’s good enough for you. This is especially effective when driving to and from work, because be honest, you don’t have the stones to actually say this to anyone’s face.

"Shit!" or "Shiiiiiittttt…"
Mood: Explosive rage or extreme sadness
This one’s a classic and pronouncing it differently will achieve vastly different results. A short staccato burst will let your co-workers know to stay the hell away, while a softer wailing "shit" could attract the help you desperately need and maybe even a hug.

"Fuck it" or "Fuck that" or "Fuck this"
Mood: Beaten and angry.
This is a favorite of defeatists. You know you’re failing, you know the end is near, but you’re not going down without flinging around a few curses or desk lamps first.

"I’ll see you in hell."
Mood: Hatred
This is a line that can carry real menace depending on how you say it. It can give the impression that not only do you think the targeted person is doomed to burn for all of eternity but that you’re going to join them there after murdering them. Telling someone that you hate them enough to burn in hell for killing them is terrible for office morale.

"Jesus Fucking Christ!"
Mood: Divine Rage
This line just sounds dirty and on top of that its sacrilegious. Not cool guys. You probably use this when you want to curse something (or someone), shock God into answering your prayers with the use of vulgarity or just denounce him altogether.

"Uh-Oh,Whoops," and other vast understatements
Mood: The brink of despair
It might seem strange that this would take the final spot on our list. But sometimes, when something so unbelievability awful happens, you form a curse word so terrible that it comes full circle and becomes utterly harmless.

"Whoops, I just spent all the petty cash on cocaine again."
"Uh-Oh, my computer just became self-aware."
"Damn, I didn’t think that hamster was going to fit all the way in…"

Cutting words like these out of our vocabulary may seem impossible right now but all it would take is a job where nothing ever goes wrong, one filled with fantastic co-workers and bosses, where you get paid to do work that you honestly enjoy. But, until then…fuck it.

Michael Rayzer
Copyright ©2010
All Rights Reserved.

Comments are closed.